Oh, So Am I Supposed to Adult Now? How to Fresher

I am going to assume you have Facebook, and that if you do, you have had it for more than a year. If my (wild) assumptions are correct, you have probably come across your, “Memories from this day, x years ago”. Insert embarrassing selfie or irrelevant status update about the X-Factor cira 2007.  It’s a hilarious way to see how far you have come and how some things stay the same. For example, I have a tendency to go full Miley Cyrus in photos and stick my tongue out in an attempt to make my face look less awkward.

Nope...still awkward (I'm the one on right, the blonde one, circa 2015) 

Something that I didn’t post on Facebook, but happened a year ago nevertheless, was my first full blown panic attack. Stuff like this doesn’t get posted on Facebook. God forbid anyone actually vocalised struggling to fit into university, or having an anxiety disorder, or just not really coping with life. Let us all just post pictures of diners out and holidays instead,  with our rose tinted, social media experience glasses on….

I’m going to get real here, so brace yourselves for the truth you already know!

Last year, I underwent the universal, but unspoken fresher realisation. It dawned on me,during my panic attack, while laying in the fetal position outside my room in halls, that I had no fucking idea what I was doing, why I was doing it, and if I was even going to survive the rest of the year.

I realized then that I was a tiny speck of space dust in the enormous universe. My perfectionism that got me through A Levels stood no chance against the torrent of work coming my way in medical school. I left my 6th Form with 2 A* and an A at A Level. I had completed the EPQ, and got an A* in that too. I had worked a part time job for 3 years, had a car, and could quote verbatim the first series of The Mighty Boosh. I thought I was pretty damn smart and adulty.

As it turns out though, everyone at medical school has 3 A*’s (or 4, or 5 - show offs). What’s more, they have also travelled the world, had a gap year working in an orphanage, and delivered a baby while blindfolded on a hot air balloon, juggling knives (that might be hyperbole, but you get the idea).

My message to the hyperstressed, pole up my arse fresher I was last year would be;

“You are just a little fish in a big pool, and you’re no longer the smartest in the class. At best, you’re just keeping your head above the water. But that doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day, you’re probably a decent human being if you pull your head from up your arse”.

There is no real preparation for university in 6th Form or college (I can’t speak for gap year students, I was a proper baby fresher). No matter how organised or prepared you think you are, there will be a point in first term when you are neck deep in lecture notes, hungover/still drunk, and wondering why you ever thought you could do this lark.

Nowhere else in polite society is it reasonable to get 6 hours sleep over 3 days, and to have spent 50 hours of those 66 “lucid” hours drunk. This becomes a coping mechanism for many, myself included last year.

DO NOT DESPAIR! It does get better, (or you give less of a shit, either/or). You come to the conclusion that comparing yourself to other people on your course is pointless, and that the pass mark is only 53%. You no longer crave the first decile, and are more than happy to just bloody pass.

As a wise 2nd year, and someone who has been through the cogs of dealing with an anxiety disorder and perfectionism, I compiled a list of things to help the ever nervous fresher to calm the fuck down (with the insight of my fabulous friends, naturally).

1. Medicine is hard! Cut yourself some slack! Other courses do not like medics, deal with it. Yes their work is difficult too, but they don’t truly understand, just like you can’t really understand their workload. Don’t let people guilt trip you into doing more or less work than you feel you need to (unless they are an older year medic and can fill you in on the stuff likely to come up in exams, than scribe that shit in stone).  
2. You don’t have to go out every night, just because you are an “adult” and can do anything you want, doesn’t mean you should. By all means, 3 nights a week is cool, and you might as well do it while you’re 18 year old self can, but again, push back against the peer pressure! (Self pressure is real too. Accept the guilt that comes with the internal questions of, “Should I be having fun? Am I having enough fun? Is this fun? What is the correct quantifiable scale for the level of fun I am supposed to be feeling? ect......)
3. Find your squad! Once you have found your squad, anoint them with gold, and tell them daily that they are fucking princesses. Let them know how much they mean to you, and that you always have their back (not only at 2am, when you are all drunk and everyone is just the loveliest person evvvvaaaa!) . Your squad may not be the first friends you make at university, but once you have created your perfect gang, they are probably going to be your crew for life. I could write a whole other piece on how my friends have kept me sane, so I will save elaboration for another time! 
   
4. Get some non-medic hobbies and friends. It helps to keep perspective. It also helps you to remember that discussing dissection over lunch is not normal, and that your medic friends and you look proper weird when you do it at dinner. Also, having something fun to do besides study makes study time more focused and the break refreshes you.

This kind of fluffy self care stuff can easily be dismissed. A bit like the dating advice your Mum gives you. You know, the, “I don’t like the look of them, they will break your heart”(In reference to the Year 13, with a Ford Feista and an ASBO who you think is the shit.). You know deep down she is right, but you only admit it once he has cheated on you and drunk all your vodka.

Fresher year is that guy, so keep yourself safe, and don’t let anyone near your vodka.

seriously though, drinks close, but friends closer