Since coming out in December, I have been dipping my toes into the dating pool/Tinder game. I've dated guys before of course ... well, I got drunk in clubs, and made out with them, but that counts, right?
Anyway, dating is weird. Most of my dates are first dates, which are probably the oddest of all. One of my best friends E, likes to remind me of a friend of her's, who knew someone that went on a Tinder date and had their organs stolen. None of my first dates have been that level of strange (yet). In fact, on the whole they have been okay, but never really wow enough to warrant a second.
I like to arrange first dates that are fun and a little bit special. That way, if it all goes tits up, at least I got to do something cool. For example, going to a market or museum, or seeing a movie I've been meaning to watch. This dating lark is just a bit bizarre when you actually stop to think about it. You have about 2 hours to determine if this stranger is a person you want to spend extended periods of time with. Also, is this a person you fancy? How can you measure the chemistry required to spark a relationship in the first 2 hours of meeting someone? How many conversations about your hobbies/favorite music can you have before you just get bored of it yourself?! I'm now at the point where I want to start making shit up I'm so bored of my mundane life.
"Hey, so like, I enjoy going pond dipping in the Thames. Found lots of cool stuff. Like last week, I found a headless rocking horse. I like to rock it while listening to harmonica vinyls." Honestly though, if I have to explain my love for running one more time......
My first, first date with a girl was in December. It was before I had come out to my Mum, but I had already come out to my friends. For the purpose of this article, I shall call her Jenny (not her real name obviously, I'm not a dickhead).
We met on Tinder, naturally, and she went to Goldsmiths University. She studied sociology and was kinda cool in a wavy, edgy way. I am not that cool in anyway, I get excited about patient interviews and geology. We arranged to go to the Christmas Market at the Southbank Centre (very cute and festive, and busy.... I wanted to keep all my organs)
I showed up 30 minutes early, because I was anxious about being late, and about it being my first "gay" date I guess (and I just get anxious about pretty much anything). I thought the best way to calm those nerves was to show up obscenely early and just kinda panic on location. Jenny was 30 minutes late....
Yeah, that is a big turn off for me, I am early to most things (I even set my watch 5 minutes fast just to be careful, I did preface this piece by admitting I am not cool). It was about 7.30 by the time we met at Waterloo Station.
We seemed to get on well with the small talk and I let her lead the way to the market because I had no idea where I was going, I was too far south/out of my comfort zone. We went through the basics; our courses, family, feminism, growing up. We eventually got to the market by The Globe, to find it had closed at 6. Winning! There was another market back by the London Eye, so we headed back in that direction. (anyone who knows London knows that it is about a 20 minute walk, so by this point we had been out in the fuck freezing for 40 minutes....). It may not have been the best start to the date, but walking and talking is a little bit easier than looking directly at someone over a table, and least there is no pressure for consistent eye contact
Jenny was really chatty and easy to get on with, and I think there was a bit of a spark (or at least some attraction), but I didn't want to push it. I was, and still am a baby lesbian and have no idea how to "do lesbianism". Being in my medic bubble doesn't help either, when people ask about my day, they probably don't expect me to recount a day spent in the anatomy lab holding a brain or spending hours in the library.... bit of a mood killer. It can also be a bit tough relating to non scientific people. Not to perpetuate the isolated medic stereotype, but it can be hard when our university experiences are so different.
We got to the other market and each got a mug of hot cider. At this point, I had frozen my tits off and was in desperate need of warming up. (we paid a deposit on the mugs, so naturally pinched them). We huddled around the fires they had laid out in the center of the market and continued to small talk about student life and laugh about the struggles of adulting. I did laugh that night, she had a great sense of humour and a lovely smile/way about her.
It must have been a good night for dates at the market, because huddled with us around the fire were plenty of other couples. One lovely, if a bit drunk, couple were worried the fire was going to go out (it probably wasn't but they were too funny fussing over it). Jenny found an abandoned copy of the Evening Standard on the floor, and threw it on the fire. The drunk couple thought this was hilarious and started ranting about, "those damn Tories". Jenny and I couldn't agree more and happily burnt the fascist rag. (That is another thing, I can't date a Tory, it has generally served me well as a litmus test for relationships)
The evening ended with us walking further down to the London Eye and sitting together on a bench. I wanted to lean in for a kiss, but was too shy and not sure if that was how this worked. Coming out has been like hitting reset on puberty again for me. It's like I'm 14 again and have completely forgotten how attraction and dating and feels work.... I didn't hear from Jenny again, but I will remember our date together fondly (well can't really forget about it when you publish a blog post on it...). She will always be my first "gay" date and my first Tinder date, so if our paths ever cross again, I shall let her know (but dear God no, I would never refer her to this post.....).
